Joy and I are childhood friends. We grew up together in the small town of Visalia, CA and have remained close friends all of our lives. I am honored to feature Joy here on The Minimalist Boomer.
Taking a minimalist approach to life starts with our mental and emotional health. A cluttered sense of overwhelm should be a signal that something needs to change, but we often find ourselves holding on even tighter to those things in the pile.
My friend Jamie speaks of minimizing tangible items, and as she does, I see people’s minds filled with anxiety, depression, and fear. In my work, I see the results of a cluttered life in behaviors that create walls firmly erected to protect and defend, creating isolation and loneliness. What appears to be simple – just letting go – is laden with a layer of attachment to concern over what happens when it’s gone.
Cleaning things out starts out difficult because we are uncertain about what we can get rid of. Much like an item we initially saw as beautiful and useful, emotions and beliefs started out with a good purpose. Once they become a part of our personality and habitual behaviors, we cling to them like a life raft after a shipwreck. We tell ourselves, “This is a part of who I am, and if I try to change, what will a be?” Or “I might need to use this someday to defend myself if things get bad again. I better hold onto that.” Sound familiar? Much like cleaning out a closet, cleaning out your mind is hard.
“If we want great things to happen then we must create space in our minds for what we desire.” ― Hina Hashmi
It is true that if you keep anything long enough, you might find a use for it. I used to feel some dismay when I gave something away only to discover a use for it later. The anxiety that existed about letting it go in the first place tries to return. But when I measured the lightness of not having something taking up space that caused me to feel burdened, I realized that it was better off without it. We find that the creation of space does something wonderful in your mind and gives you a sense of room to breathe.
Unfortunately, we live in a time when we are encouraged to fill up an empty space. More things mean more happiness. But space is very necessary for giving you a place to rest your eyes and open up your soul. When your view is filled with clutter, your mind remains in high gear, refusing to rest. The same is true of a mind filled with cluttering thoughts.
It’s a shift in perspective to consider that space is not emptiness. No, it’s anything but nothingness. The Universe shows us the value of space, as that is mostly what it is made of. How could we appreciate the stars if they melded together like one big glob? Music is filled with pauses and space, creating just the right melody. Artwork set off by the framing and space around it. What isn’t there is as much a part of a unique experience as what is. If you fear space, it’s probably because you’ve been sold the fallacy of more is secure. But in fact, too much creates overwhelming insecurity.
You see, everything around you takes a tiny bit of energy for your brain to process. When you have a lot of stuff, your mind is using up mental energy to track it all. But when you cleanse your field of vision and add openness, the brain rests and seeks opportunity to grow instead of focusing on all the stuff. Creating more spaciousness is energizing and calming. Space becomes a place where we can recharge and restore.
“Resting and relaxing is as important as going out there and making it happen.” ― Hiral Nagda
Anxiety and depression thrive in the clutter, which is why I often encourage my clients to begin decluttering as a part of their journey to better mental health. “What am I allowing to fill my space?” isn’t just a question for clearing out the house – it’s a vital question for what is filling your mind.
By the way, we are not just talking about the place you live physically when we are discussing minimizing what surrounds you. Take, for instance, the thing you are most likely reading this information on: Your Smart Phone. The space taken up each day in what I call “The Scroll Hole” is difficult to calculate. Until, that is, you rid yourself of it, even for a day.
“Social media fixation is the new hoarding behavior.” – Joy Henderson
Beyond all of the insightful posts and educational TIC TOCs, there are the comparison-contrast nano seconds that implant themselves in your mind space. Ever take a moment to ask yourself why you might be less than happy with that recent birthday gift or anniversary celebration?
Could it be the hundreds of times you viewed a heartwarming video of an extraordinary effort or picture of an astounding gift given to one of your “Friends”? Social media fixation is the new hoarding behavior. It is time to start noticing how you really feel the next time you click off that app.
The emotional reactions people have to getting rid of the unused things around them isn’t that different from making thoughtful changes to intentional behaviors. “Maybe I’m just made this way” or “I’ve always done this” is much like the sentimentality we attach to some possessions.
This is why feelings cannot be the guide you use when clearing out a closet, giving up an electronic application or changing your thoughts. Feelings are likely what got you into the cluttered and discouraged state in the first place. It is time to challenge them, and the distortions they support.
None of this is easy, and the best approach is to take it slowly and steadily.
Start with the space that you occupy the most. For some, it could be your bedroom or home office. For others, it might be your car. Wherever it is, take a few minutes with your eyes closed and allow yourself to see the dark space.
Breathe slowly and allow yourself to calm. See the spaciousness of nothing and notice how peaceful it is. As you open your eyes, and really see what is filling your space. You might find that you see things you started to just become used to, even though they didn’t belong.
Ask yourself what you can remove from your view right now to add more spaciousness to your view. Then do it. Don’t question. It could be trash or clothing that is in the wrong place. But whatever it is, take care of it.
Clear out one space to add spaciousness every day. Then do the same with your mind. Practice noticing your thoughts during scheduled quiet time or when you are feeling particularly stressed or down. What is taking up space in your thoughts that doesn’t belong there? Much like what may be filling your physical space, it needs to be seen and dealt with.
Last, but far from least, avoid picking up your phone before starting. In fact, turn off your phone before closing your eyes and leave it off for the duration of the practice.
You’ve gotten used to a lot of clutter that doesn’t really have a use anymore, and never will. And you’ve likely become dependent and entertained by a device that is literally uncontrolled in the scroll. It’s time to create space and energize your life.
In addition to these suggestions, I need to advise you that sometimes anxiety and depression are more than a disorder requiring your attention. If you have any thoughts of suicide or your symptoms persists for more than a few days at a time, resulting in significant changes to your behavior, you should see a Medical Professional immediately. There are many wonderful medications and treatments for serious emotional and mental illness.
I hope you will use these pointers to encourage you to begin your minimalist journey. If you are feeling discouraged and out of control, it could be the key to lifting your mood. Because you’ve found something you can control, even when life feels so very uncontrollable. And that is often the fundamental source of emotional health. Be well.
“I need to advise you that sometimes anxiety and depression are more than a disorder requiring your attention.” – Joy Henderson
Please feel free to leave comments here for Joy and I will be sure to pass them along to her!
