Category: Mental Health

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    Sometimes Walking Away is Exactly What We Need

    Jamie Perkins

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    Sometimes Walking Away is Exactly What We Need

    Have you ever felt overwhelmed, stuck, or, even worse, trapped in a situation that’s draining your energy? We’ve all been there. Sometimes, the most constructive thing we can do for ourselves is to simply walk away. This might seem counterintuitive, especially when we’re so often told to fight through challenges, but there’s real power in recognizing when it’s time to step back.

    “Letting go and walking away means you are exercising control and good decision-making powers–you are making your choice rather than letting the situation control you.” – Richard Templar

    Let’s explore how walking away can serve as a strategic move, a way to reset and regain control. From toxic relationships to impossible, dead-end jobs, we’ll break down scenarios where leaving is not just an option but a necessity. You’ll learn how to identify these situations and understand why taking that step back is crucial for your mental clarity and overall happiness. Let’s uncover the empowering benefits of knowing when to walk away.

    Understanding the Importance of Walking Away

    Sometimes, the best thing we can do for ourselves is simply walk away. This doesn’t mean giving up or admitting defeat. It’s about recognizing when a situation is no longer healthy or beneficial and having the courage to make a change. Walking away can be both a literal act, like leaving a job or ending a relationship, and a metaphorical one, like changing our mindset or habits.

    When It’s Time to Walk Away

    Knowing when to walk away can be challenging, but there are clear signs that it may be the best option. Here are some situations where walking away is beneficial:

    1. Toxic Relationships: Whether it’s a friend, family member, or romantic partner, if the relationship is causing more pain than joy, it may be time to walk away. Just step back, brush the dust off your shoes, and let it go. Signs of a toxic relationship include constant criticism, lack of support, and emotional manipulation.
    2. Unproductive Environments: If we are in a work or social environment that hinders our growth and productivity, it might be time to move on. This includes workplaces with poor management, lack of opportunities, and constant negativity.
    3. Unresolved Conflicts: When conflicts remain unresolved despite numerous attempts to fix them, it might be a sign that walking away is the best option. Staying in a cycle of conflict can be mentally exhausting and unproductive.
    4. Stagnation: If we feel stuck and unable to progress in our current situation, walking away can open new doors and opportunities for growth.

    Walking away is not about running from problems but recognizing when a change is needed. Taking this step can lead to personal growth and a happier, more fulfilling life. By considering these scenarios, we can see that walking away is not about giving up — it’s about choosing a healthier path for ourselves.

    The Art of Walking Away Gracefully

    When we decide to walk away, clear communication is key. Letting everyone know why we’re leaving helps avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Here are some strategies for effectively communicating your decision:

    1. Be Honest but Kind: Honesty doesn’t have to be harsh. We can explain our reasons without blaming others. For example, saying “We have a clear philosophical difference of opinion on how to move forward” is better than stating grievances.
    2. Choose the Right Time and Place: Timing can make all the difference when possible. Find a moment when emotions aren’t running high and a private setting where a calm conversation can occur.
    3. Use “I” Statements: This helps to take ownership of our feelings and reduces defensiveness. Saying “I feel this environment isn’t right for me” is more constructive than “You make this place toxic”.
    4. Prepare for Reactions: People might be upset or even angry. We should be ready to listen but stand firm in our decision. Keeping the conversation short can also help prevent heated exchanges.

    By considering these strategies, we can walk away with our dignity intact, ensuring that our reasons are understood and respected.

    Setting Boundaries

    Setting boundaries is crucial to make sure our decision to walk away is respected. Boundaries protect our well-being and make it clear what we will and will not tolerate. Here’s why setting boundaries is important and how to do it:

    • Define Your Limits: Before we can communicate boundaries to others, we need to know them ourselves. This means understanding what behaviors we find unacceptable.
    • Be Direct and Clear: Once we know our limits, we must express them clearly. This might mean saying, “Please refrain from contacting me for work-related issues after hours.”
    • Stay Consistent: Maintaining boundaries is an ongoing process. Others might test our limits, but consistency reinforces our commitment to our well-being. If we waver, our boundaries become less effective.
    • Respect Others’ Boundaries: It’s a two-way street. We can’t expect others to respect our boundaries if we don’t respect theirs. This mutual respect fosters a healthier environment even as we walk away.

    Walking away doesn’t always mean cutting ties entirely or forever. Understanding the art of walking away gracefully allows us to step away without burning bridges, preserving both our dignity and the respect of others. It isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a powerful tool for personal growth.

    “There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it.”
    – José N. Harris

    Take that journey.

    We sometimes get stuck in situations that drain our energy and happiness. By recognizing when to step back, we can refocus on what matters most.

    Think about the times you’ve hesitated to leave a bad job, relationship, or situation. What could walking away mean for your happiness and future?Consider walking away not as surrender, but as a step forward for your well-being.

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    You Know That Critical Little Voice in Your Head?

    Jamie Perkins

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    You Know That Critical Little Voice in Your Head?

    Here is another Guest Post, by Joy Henderson, a Licensed Professional Counselor, practicing in Champaign, Illinois

    @joyousperspective www.lifewithasides.joyousperspective.com

    Joy and I are childhood friends. We grew up together in the small town of Visalia, CA and have remained close friends all of our lives. I am honored to feature Joy here on The Minimalist Boomer again.

    Do you ever find yourself trapped in a cycle of negative self-talk, spiraling from a bad day to feeling like you have a bad life? It’s a common struggle many people face, but it’s essential to remember that it’s just a bad day, not a bad life.

    “If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, then why say it to yourself?” – Joy Henderson, @joyousperspective

    You talk to yourself in ways you would never stand for from another person.

    There’s a funny thing going on in your head. You talk to yourself in ways you would never stand for from another person. The problem is that you don’t seem to realize that you are the one doing the talking. Instead, that critical voice you “hear” inside your head often sounds like the voice of ultimate authority.

    Worst of all, it has opinions about your self-worth that are based on ever-escalating expectations. Its fulfillment is a moving target that you always need to meet. If you meet its demands, it raises your quota. And some days, it feels like it’s worse than ever, this computer voice in your head.

    You see a life filled with anxiety, depression, and terrible feelings about your identity. This voice is programmed by software put there long ago. It is an amalgam of rules, judgments, and knee-jerk reactions that you adopted. It is all the things perhaps some authority figure told you would make you a better person or the ideal version of their perfect vision for you. 

    And some days, this voice is louder than ever…

    And its only goal is to steer you away from trusting yourself.

    Making a bad day into a bad life.

    Don't let that negative little voice steer you in the wrong direction.

    You don’t recognize this voice as the source of your bad feelings. Instead, you think that following this voice might make you scale the heights that face you. You assume the intentions of the voice only have your best interests in mind.

    If you don’t mind me asking, why else would it keep weighing in on everything you think and do? It’s just trying to perfect this bad life you’ve made for yourself. The crazy thing is that if you knew real people who sounded like this voice, you would get away from them as quickly as possible. You might put up with their bullying if you had to, but in the privacy of your own mind, you might be thinking, What a jerk! 

    However, when this voice comes from inside your head, you somehow have no perspective on it. You accept whatever it says as ultimate wisdom. Even if it tells you to stand up for yourself one minute, then rebukes you for being too aggressive the next, you don’t see the contradiction. 

    And some days, this voice is louder than ever…

    And its only goal is to steer you away from trusting yourself.

    Making a bad day into a bad life.

    You must trust and believe in yourself.

    This is not the voice of conscience; it is the voice of criticism. The self-critical voice has yet to integrate a comprehensive philosophy. It’s just a bunch of reactive judgments made up on the spot. It is not trying to guide you; it is attempting to make you feel incompetent and minor. To make you shut down in fear and go away quietly. The goal is to steer you away from trusting yourself. To turn a bad day into something bigger.

    As the voice pushes contradictory goals that conflict with one another, you end up with a mind full of confusion and uncertainty. Those dreams and goals you hold dear suddenly seem far out of reach.

    “It is during those times when your beliefs are tested that you truly understand their value.” – Joy Henderson, @joyousperspective

    The next time the voice speaks, notice what its values are. For instance, if it keeps berating you for making an error, it espouses the value that people should be mercilessly punished for being fallible. Now, ask yourself if that is in line with your values. Would you treat another person that way? Is it one of your cherished values that we should react to minor mistakes with insulting disrespect and sweeping attacks on a person’s character? Is it your conscious value that only good people are perfect?

    The best way to get free is to externalize the critical voice. Let’s push those voices back outside where you can take a good look at them. You will benefit from picking apart these swallowed-whole beliefs. Thank goodness there is a sensitive observer inside you who can tell the difference between being helped and being hammered. 

    When that voice creeps in, give it the boot.

    Remember, a bad day does not define a bad life. It’s easy to get caught up in the negativity of a tough day, but it’s crucial to keep things in perspective. Your self-talk can either lift you up or bring you down, so choose your words wisely. Practice self-compassion and kindness toward yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend going through a rough patch. And when that critical voice tries to creep back in and take control of your mind…kick it to the curb!

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    The Surprising Truth About Worrying: How It Impacts Our Lives

    Jamie Perkins

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    The Surprising Truth About Worrying: How It Impacts Our Lives

    Has anyone ever told you not to worry about something? I’ve experienced this throughout my life on various occasions. So, does this make me a worrier? And, if so, is that a problem? Does “worrying” serve any purpose, or does it simply drain our mental and emotional energy? Let’s unravel the mystery behind this universal human experience and discover whether worrying holds any merit in our everyday lives.

    The Science of Worrying

    Worrying is a natural human response, part of our survival instinct. It’s like an alarm system that goes off when our brain perceives a potential threat. This emotion has a purpose: it’s the brain’s way of signaling that something requires attention or action. It can motivate us to problem-solve and take appropriate measures to tackle the issue at hand.

    The Purpose of Worrying

    Worrying can serve as a signal that prompts us to plan and prepare. It has the potential to drive us toward making decisions to protect ourselves from danger, whether real or perceived. This can be likened to a smoke alarm in our homes that alerts us to potential danger, compelling us to take action.

    “If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.” – E. Joseph Cossman

    Worrying can serve as a signal that prompts us to plan and prepare.

    The Effects of Chronic Worrying

    On the contrary, chronic worrying can have detrimental effects on our mental and physical health. Prolonged periods of worry can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even contribute to the development of certain health conditions. It’s like a car alarm that won’t stop blaring, draining the battery and causing unnecessary distress. This ongoing state of worrying can be exhausting and damaging to our overall well-being.

    Worrying, when managed effectively, can be a useful tool for problem-solving and preparation. However, its persistent presence can lead to negative implications for our health and peace of mind.

    When Worrying Can Be Beneficial

    Worrying often gets a bad rap, but it can have some surprising benefits. Here’s how channeling our worrying instincts can work in our favor.

    When we find ourselves worrying about a particular situation, it can sometimes act as an impetus for problem-solving and planning.

    Problem-Solving and Planning

    When we find ourselves worrying about a particular situation, it can sometimes act as a catalyst for problem-solving and planning. Worrying prompts us to anticipate potential obstacles, allowing us to develop strategies to address them. By considering different scenarios and outcomes, we can effectively prepare for challenges that may lie ahead. This proactive approach can help us feel more in control and equipped to handle whatever comes our way.

    Motivation and Preparedness

    Worrying can also serve as a potent motivator, propelling us to act and make necessary preparations. When we worry about a future event, it can spur us into action, driving us to work harder and make strides toward our goals. This heightened state of awareness can lead to increased preparedness, ensuring that we are ready to tackle any obstacles that may arise. Ultimately, this can lead to a greater sense of confidence and assurance in our ability to confront and overcome challenges.

    In essence, worrying, when channeled constructively, can create a proactive and prepared mindset, empowering us to navigate life’s uncertainties with resilience and determination.

    The Downside of Excessive Worrying

    “Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

    When we allow worry to consume us, it can significantly impact our mental and emotional health.

    Mental and Emotional Health

    When we allow worry to consume us, it can significantly impact our mental and emotional health. Our minds become cluttered with incessant thoughts, leading to heightened anxiety, stress, and even depression. Everyday tasks may become overwhelming, and it becomes challenging to maintain a positive outlook on life. This constant state of unease can affect our relationships, as we may become irritable and withdrawn, impacting our interactions with others.

    Physical Health

    The effects of excessive worrying extend beyond our mental and emotional well-being, taking a toll on our physical health as well. Chronic worry can manifest in physical symptoms such as headaches, muscle tension, and fatigue. Prolonged periods of stress resulting from worrying can weaken the immune system, making us more susceptible to illness.

    By immersing ourselves in a state of constant worry, we unwittingly subject both our mental and physical health to a multitude of detrimental effects, hindering our ability to lead fulfilling lives.

    Strategies for Managing Worry

    Practicing gratitude can significantly shift our perspective toward positivity.

    Mindfulness and Meditation

    Embracing mindfulness and meditation practices can aid in quieting the restless mind. By focusing on the present moment and acknowledging worrisome thoughts without judgment, we can cultivate a sense of calm and detachment. Engaging in deep-breathing exercises during meditation helps to ease tension and brings our focus back to the present. Through consistent practice, mindfulness and meditation can gradually diminish the intensity of worry, allowing us to approach it with a sense of tranquility and balance.

    Cognitive Behavioral Techniques

    Cognitive behavioral techniques provide valuable tools for challenging and reframing worrisome thoughts. By identifying distorted thinking patterns and replacing them with more rational and constructive perspectives, we can effectively manage our worries. Creating a worry time schedule, where we consciously allocate a specific period for addressing concerns, enables us to contain and organize our anxious thoughts. Additionally, developing a list of coping statements or affirmations can serve as a powerful reminder of our ability to navigate through challenging situations. These techniques equip us with the necessary skills to confront and alleviate worries, empowering us to approach life with resilience and optimism.

    Harnessing the Power of Positive Thinking

    “Great things happen to those who don’t stop believing, trying, learning, and being grateful.” ― Roy T. Bennett

    Gratitude and Perspective

    Practicing gratitude can significantly shift our perspective toward positivity. By acknowledging the good things in our lives, we can reframe our mindset to focus on abundance rather than scarcity. Reflecting on what we are thankful for, whether it’s our health, relationships, or small daily joys, helps us cultivate a more optimistic outlook. It’s akin to putting on a pair of glasses that highlight the bright side of life, even amidst challenges.

    Visualization and Affirmations

    Engaging in visualization exercises and affirmations can empower us to manifest our desired outcomes. Through visualization, we mentally rehearse achieving our goals, creating a sense of belief and determination. Similarly, reciting positive affirmations reinforces self-confidence and redirects our thoughts toward optimism. It’s as though we are painting a mental picture of success and resilience, fostering a proactive approach to overcoming obstacles.

    Practicing gratitude can significantly shift our perspective toward positivity.

    While worrying may seem like a natural response to uncertain situations, it is important to recognize its potential impact on our mental and emotional well-being. It’s essential to acknowledge our worries but also to actively work towards addressing and managing them. By focusing on practical solutions and staying proactive, we can minimize the negative effects of worrying and channel our energy towards more productive and positive outcomes. Remember, acknowledging our worries is the first step, but taking action is the key to overcoming them.

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    Rude Argumentative People…You May Come Across One Some Time

    Jamie Perkins

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    Rude Argumentative People…You May Come Across One Some Time

    The less you respond to negative people, the more powerful your life will become

    I’ve dealt with plenty of rude argumentative people throughout my life. In fact, I was married to one, God rest his soul. My intention is not to put him down in any way. He was a great man in so many other ways … and I got an amazing son out of that relationship. But boy could Joe Robinson argue! It was like a sport for him. I think he enjoyed arguing just for the sake of it. Often, by the time he rallied someone around to his point of view, he’d switch it up on them and start arguing for their point of view. It was quite amazing to witness actually.

    But it’s exhausting and quite frankly, I don’t enjoy it and I find it unnecessary. So this piece is dedicated to all of you out there who may be struggling with individuals who love to argue and pick a fight every chance they get.

    We all have difficult people or challenging relationships in our lives. Dealing with rude and argumentative individuals can be one of the most exhausting, painful, and draining experiences we encounter.

    Here’s a secret to learning how to handle these people: the less you engage with them, the better off you will be. Why? Because when you choose not to respond to their negativity, you take away their power to disrupt your inner peace.

    Today we will explore the benefits of disengaging from rude and argumentative people and how it can lead to a more peaceful life.

    Understanding Rude Argumentative People

    Rude and argumentative behavior can be a challenging aspect of human interactions. To better prepare yourself to deal with people like this, it’s important to understand the motivations behind their behavior and the negative impact that can result from engaging with them.

    Identifying rude and argumentative behavior is the first step toward effectively dealing with it.

    Recognizing Rude and Argumentative Behavior

    Identifying this behavior is the first step toward effectively dealing with it. Such behavior often manifests through aggressive or offensive language, personal attacks, constant interruptions, and a general refusal to listen to others’ viewpoints. It can be seen in both online interactions and face-to-face conversations.

    By being aware of these signs, we can better prepare ourselves for potential encounters and approach them with a sense of understanding. Don’t take their behavior personally. Their actions reflect their issues. It really isn’t about you.

    The Motivations Behind Rude Argumentative Behavior

    “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Anonymous

    Sure...that's what they all say. The rude argumentative ones.

    Rude and argumentative behavior can stem from various motivations, which are often rooted in underlying emotional or psychological factors. Some individuals may engage in such behavior as a means of exerting control or power over others. For them, it becomes a way to dominate conversations and assert their authority, even at the expense of creating conflict.

    Others may use rudeness and argumentativeness as defense mechanisms. They may feel threatened by differing opinions or perspectives and resort to aggressive behavior to protect their own beliefs or insecurities. Some people actually may simply enjoy the thrill of engaging in heated arguments, finding it stimulating or entertaining.

    The Negative Impact of Engaging with Rude Argumentative People

    While it may be tempting to respond to people like this, engaging with them often leads to negative outcomes. Arguing with such individuals rarely results in productive dialogue or resolution. Instead, it tends to escalate conflict, drain our energy, and hinder our ability to communicate effectively.

    Getting sucked into confrontations with rude and argumentative people can have negative effects on our emotional well-being. It may lead to increased stress, frustration, and even fear. By recognizing the adverse effects of engaging with them, we can make a conscious choice to prioritize our own peace and mental well-being.

    The Benefits of Not Responding

    “The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself.” –  Thomas Paine

    When we respond to these people, it is easy to get caught up in a cycle of negativity.

    In our daily interactions, we inevitably come across rude and argumentative people. While it may be tempting to engage in heated arguments with them, there are significant benefits to be gained by choosing not to respond. By consciously practicing restraint, we can maintain our inner peace, preserve our energy and mental health, and avoid unnecessary escalation and unproductive arguments.

    Maintaining Inner Peace and Emotional Well-being

    When we respond to them, it is easy to get caught up in a cycle of negativity. Engaging in heated discussions can lead to increased stress, anger, and frustration, which can take a toll on our emotional well-being. By not responding, we can protect our inner peace and avoid being dragged into unnecessary conflicts. Choosing not to respond allows us to maintain control over our emotions and avoid getting stuck in arguments that serve no purpose other than to create stress and drama.

    Preserving Your Energy and Mental Health

     “While you can’t control someone’s negative behavior, you can control how long you participate in it.” – Anonymous

    Engaging in arguments requires a significant amount of energy

    Engaging in arguments requires a significant amount of energy. When we respond to rude and argumentative people, we often find ourselves investing time and effort into defending our point of view or disproving their arguments. This can be mentally draining and depleting, leaving us feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.

    By not responding, we can conserve our energy and direct it toward more meaningful pursuits. We can channel our mental focus into activities that bring us joy, personal growth, and productivity.

    Avoiding Escalation and Unproductive Arguments

    “Sometimes, silence is the best way to win an argument.” – Jorge P. Guerrero

    When silence is the only answer.

    Responding to rude and argumentative people often leads to a spiral of escalating tensions. Arguments can quickly spiral out of control, leading to heightened emotions and irrational behavior. Engaging in such unproductive arguments rarely leads to any positive outcomes and can further damage relationships and cause unnecessary stress.

    By choosing not to respond, we break this cycle and prevent ourselves from participating in arguments that are unlikely to yield any constructive solutions. We can instead focus on maintaining respectful boundaries and seeking productive resolutions to conflicts without getting caught up in unproductive arguments.

    Strategies for Not Responding

    When faced with people like this, it can be tempting to engage in a heated argument or defend yourself. But, the truth is that not responding to them can lead to a more peaceful life. Here are some effective strategies for not responding, which can help maintain your peace of mind and emotional well-being.

    Ignoring and Letting Go

    One of the most powerful strategies for dealing with argumentative people is simply to ignore them and let go of their negativity. Understand that their behavior reflects their own issues and insecurities, not a reflection of your worth or character. Choose not to give them power over your emotions by refusing to engage in their toxic behavior.

    By consciously redirecting your attention toward more positive and productive aspects of your life, you can detach yourself from their negative influence. Focus on your personal growth, hobbies, and goals. Surround yourself with supportive and uplifting people who contribute positively to your life. This will help you maintain a sense of inner peace and happiness.

    Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Just walk away.

    Setting Boundaries and Disengaging

    Setting clear boundaries is essential when dealing with rude and argumentative people. Clearly communicate to them what behavior is unacceptable and let them know that you will not tolerate disrespect or aggression. This not only asserts your self-worth but also sends a signal that you are not willing to engage in their negativity.

    When faced with rude comments or arguments, practice disengaging. Take a step back and assess the situation objectively. Remind yourself of your values and priorities and consider if this argument is truly worth your time and energy. In most cases, it is better to disengage and walk away rather than getting entangled in unnecessary conflicts that drain your energy.

    Focusing on Positive Interactions and Relationships

    “The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.” – G. K. Chesterton

    Instead of wasting your energy on argumentative people, shift your focus toward positive interactions and nurturing healthy relationships. Surround yourself with individuals who uplift and inspire you. Seek out conversations and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. By placing your attention on positivity, you can minimize the impact of negativity in your life.

    Nurture your relationships with family, friends, and colleagues who support and appreciate you. Cultivate meaningful connections that bring you happiness and fulfillment. Engaging in positive interactions not only helps you maintain a more peaceful life but also promotes personal growth and emotional well-being.

    Nurture your relationships with family, friends, and colleagues who support and appreciate you.

    Remember, not responding to these types of people doesn’t mean you’re giving up or being weak. It is a strategic choice to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. By implementing these strategies, you can create a more peaceful and fulfilling life for yourself. So, why waste your valuable time and energy on negative people when you can focus on the positive aspects that bring you joy and contentment?

    Not all battles are worth fighting. While it may be tempting to engage in an argument with an argumentative person, sometimes it’s best to simply let it go. Some people just thrive on living in a negative space, reliving painful experiences over and over again. They will try to drag you into their issues even though they are unwilling or unable to get out of that loop they have running through their minds.

    So, focus on preserving your own peace of mind and don’t let someone else’s negativity consume you. Stand firm and hold your ground. Life is too short to waste energy on toxic individuals who thrive on confrontation.

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    Blaming The Present on Your Past

    Jamie Perkins

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    Blaming The Present on Your Past

    We’ve all been there. It’s easier to point fingers at our past for the challenges we face today. Blaming your present on your past can be a comforting excuse. But does it really help? Or does it keep us stuck, unable to move forward and grow?

    Let’s explore why it’s easy to blame our past and how doing so can impact our present. We’ll also offer practical tips on how to move beyond our past and build a brighter future.

    It’s time to stop letting our past dictate our present. Let’s learn to take charge of our lives today.

    Understanding the “What-If” Mode

    Blaming your present on your past.

    The Impact of Past Events

    “To grow up is to stop putting blame on parents.” – Maya Angelou

    Have you ever found yourself caught in the endless loop of “what if” questions? It’s natural to reflect on past events and wonder how things could have turned out differently. The impact of past events is undeniably significant. Our experiences shape who we are and influence our present circumstances. Dwelling on the “what ifs” though can consume our thoughts and hinder our ability to move forward.

    When we constantly focus on the past, it can lead to a state of perpetual regret. The weight of missed opportunities and unfulfilled dreams can be overwhelming. We may find ourselves questioning every decision we’ve made, wondering if we could have done things differently to achieve a better outcome.

    Dwelling on Regret and Missed Opportunities

    Blaming your present on your past.

    Regret is a powerful emotion that can hold us back from embracing the present. When we dwell on the past, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to fully engage in the here and now. Instead of focusing on what we can do today to improve our situation, we remain stuck in a cycle of self-blame and what-ifs. Often times we look for ways to pin the blame on others.

    It’s important to recognize that dwelling on regret and missed opportunities doesn’t change the past. We can’t go back in time and rewrite history. What we can do is learn from our experiences and use them as steppingstones to create a better future. By accepting the choices we’ve made and the outcomes that followed, we can free ourselves from the burden of regret.

    Embracing the Present and Moving Forward

    “We live in a culture of blame. People will blame anyone or anything for their misery sooner than take the responsibility to own it and make it better.” – Dr. Henry Cloud

    Blaming your past for your present.

    Rather than blaming our present on our past, we should shift our focus to the present moment. Each day presents new opportunities for growth and transformation. By embracing the present and taking proactive steps toward our goals, we can shape a future that aligns with our aspirations.

    Instead of dwelling on missed opportunities, let’s use them as motivation to seize the opportunities right now. It’s never too late to pursue our dreams and make positive changes in our lives. By focusing on the present and taking action, we can break free from the “what-if” mode and create a life filled with purpose and fulfillment.

    So, the next time you catch yourself pondering the past, remember that the power to shape your future lies in the choices you make today. Don’t let negative past experiences define your life. Embrace the present, learn from the past, and move forward with confidence. It’s never too late to start again or make a positive change.

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    Make Room for Space in Your Mind

    Jamie Perkins

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    Make Room for Space in Your Mind

    A Guest Post, by Joy Henderson, a Licensed Professional Counselor, practicing in Champaign, Illinois

    @joyousperspective www.lifewithasides.joyousperspective.com

    Joy and I are childhood friends. We grew up together in the small town of Visalia, CA and have remained close friends all of our lives. I am honored to feature Joy here on The Minimalist Boomer.

    Taking a minimalist approach to life starts with our mental and emotional health. A cluttered sense of overwhelm should be a signal that something needs to change, but we often find ourselves holding on even tighter to those things in the pile.

    My friend Jamie speaks of minimizing tangible items, and as she does, I see people’s minds filled with anxiety, depression, and fear. In my work, I see the results of a cluttered life in behaviors that create walls firmly erected to protect and defend, creating isolation and loneliness. What appears to be simple – just letting go – is laden with a layer of attachment to concern over what happens when it’s gone.

    Make room for space in your mind, Isolation and lonliness

    Cleaning things out starts out difficult because we are uncertain about what we can get rid of. Much like an item we initially saw as beautiful and useful, emotions and beliefs started out with a good purpose. Once they become a part of our personality and habitual behaviors, we cling to them like a life raft after a shipwreck. We tell ourselves, “This is a part of who I am, and if I try to change, what will a be?” Or “I might need to use this someday to defend myself if things get bad again. I better hold onto that.” Sound familiar? Much like cleaning out a closet, cleaning out your mind is hard.

    “If we want great things to happen then we must create space in our minds for what we desire.”
    ― Hina Hashmi

    It is true that if you keep anything long enough, you might find a use for it. I used to feel some dismay when I gave something away only to discover a use for it later. The anxiety that existed about letting it go in the first place tries to return. But when I measured the lightness of not having something taking up space that caused me to feel burdened, I realized that it was better off without it.  We find that the creation of space does something wonderful in your mind and gives you a sense of room to breathe.

    open your mind, let it go, simplicity

    Unfortunately, we live in a time when we are encouraged to fill up an empty space. More things mean more happiness. But space is very necessary for giving you a place to rest your eyes and open up your soul. When your view is filled with clutter, your mind remains in high gear, refusing to rest. The same is true of a mind filled with cluttering thoughts.

    It’s a shift in perspective to consider that space is not emptiness. No, it’s anything but nothingness. The Universe shows us the value of space, as that is mostly what it is made of. How could we appreciate the stars if they melded together like one big glob? Music is filled with pauses and space, creating just the right melody. Artwork set off by the framing and space around it. What isn’t there is as much a part of a unique experience as what is. If you fear space, it’s probably because you’ve been sold the fallacy of more is secure. But in fact, too much creates overwhelming insecurity.

    You see, everything around you takes a tiny bit of energy for your brain to process. When you have a lot of stuff, your mind is using up mental energy to track it all. But when you cleanse your field of vision and add openness, the brain rests and seeks opportunity to grow instead of focusing on all the stuff. Creating more spaciousness is energizing and calming. Space becomes a place where we can recharge and restore.

    “Resting and relaxing is as important as going out there and making it happen.”
    ― Hiral Nagda

    Anxiety and depression thrive in the clutter, which is why I often encourage my clients to begin decluttering as a part of their journey to better mental health. “What am I allowing to fill my space?” isn’t just a question for clearing out the house – it’s a vital question for what is filling your mind.

    clear your mind, relax and refresh

    By the way, we are not just talking about the place you live physically when we are discussing minimizing what surrounds you. Take, for instance, the thing you are most likely reading this information on: Your Smart Phone. The space taken up each day in what I call “The Scroll Hole” is difficult to calculate. Until, that is, you rid yourself of it, even for a day.

    “Social media fixation is the new hoarding behavior.” – Joy Henderson

    Beyond all of the insightful posts and educational TIC TOCs, there are the comparison-contrast nano seconds that implant themselves in your mind space. Ever take a moment to ask yourself why you might be less than happy with that recent birthday gift or anniversary celebration?

    wasting time, open your mind, intentional living

    Could it be the hundreds of times you viewed a heartwarming video of an extraordinary effort or picture of an astounding gift given to one of your “Friends”? Social media fixation is the new hoarding behavior.  It is time to start noticing how you really feel the next time you click off that app.

    The emotional reactions people have to getting rid of the unused things around them isn’t that different from making thoughtful changes to intentional behaviors. “Maybe I’m just made this way” or “I’ve always done this” is much like the sentimentality we attach to some possessions.

    This is why feelings cannot be the guide you use when clearing out a closet, giving up an electronic application or changing your thoughts. Feelings are likely what got you into the cluttered and discouraged state in the first place. It is time to challenge them, and the distortions they support.

    feelings, let it go, mindfulness

    None of this is easy, and the best approach is to take it slowly and steadily.

    Start with the space that you occupy the most. For some, it could be your bedroom or home office. For others, it might be your car. Wherever it is, take a few minutes with your eyes closed and allow yourself to see the dark space.

    Breathe slowly and allow yourself to calm. See the spaciousness of nothing and notice how peaceful it is. As you open your eyes, and really see what is filling your space. You might find that you see things you started to just become used to, even though they didn’t belong.

    Ask yourself what you can remove from your view right now to add more spaciousness to your view. Then do it. Don’t question. It could be trash or clothing that is in the wrong place. But whatever it is, take care of it.

    start slowly, what can you remove right now, mindfulness

    Clear out one space to add spaciousness every day. Then do the same with your mind. Practice noticing your thoughts during scheduled quiet time or when you are feeling particularly stressed or down. What is taking up space in your thoughts that doesn’t belong there? Much like what may be filling your physical space, it needs to be seen and dealt with.

    Last, but far from least, avoid picking up your phone before starting. In fact, turn off your phone before closing your eyes and leave it off for the duration of the practice.

    You’ve gotten used to a lot of clutter that doesn’t really have a use anymore, and never will. And you’ve likely become dependent and entertained by a device that is literally uncontrolled in the scroll.  It’s time to create space and energize your life.

    In addition to these suggestions, I need to advise you that sometimes anxiety and depression are more than a disorder requiring your attention. If you have any thoughts of suicide or your symptoms persists for more than a few days at a time, resulting in significant changes to your behavior, you should see a Medical Professional immediately. There are many wonderful medications and treatments for serious emotional and mental illness.

    I hope you will use these pointers to encourage you to begin your minimalist journey. If you are feeling discouraged and out of control, it could be the key to lifting your mood. Because you’ve found something you can control, even when life feels so very uncontrollable. And that is often the fundamental source of emotional health. Be well.

    “I need to advise you that sometimes anxiety and depression are more than a disorder requiring your attention.” – Joy Henderson

    Please feel free to leave comments here for Joy and I will be sure to pass them along to her!